Masturbation

Artists : Buzzcocks : Masturbation

"Masturbation," strikes fear in the heart of people doesn't it? We all do it yet nobody wants to talk about it. Why are generations so afraid to pass that down? That it feels good? Nothin' wrong with it, we all do it, why can't we just admit it? Then it wouldn't be a problem anymore would it?

Now if we approached it like that, parents could pass down the secret of what to do and what not to do to their children. Cuz kids are gonna do it anyway. They did it when they were kids, why donn't they remember that? And then kids wouldn't have to feel guilty and do it under their covers so their dead relatives can't watch 'em jerkin’ off. You ever have a headache? Jerk off! Totally takes it away! Headache, jerk off, no more headache, you don't need aspirin. Maybe instead of a "lunch break" we take a "masturbation break." Everybody'd get along better. You'd come back from your half hour lunch feeling so damn good it wouldn't be funny.

Now I don't think if God didn't want us to masturbate he wouldn't have made it feel so good, y'know? Well, a lot of people say "but God didn't come up with it." Well, he's a man, and all men masturbate, so I gotta believe that the almighty supreme being was the first one to do it.

People say, "God didn't come up with masturbation, the Devil did." Now see, I don't believe that because the devil is what? The Devil. He's devilish. He does devilish shit! Do you think he would let masturbation feel so good? NO! He might let the stimulation part feel good but he'd add some catch to it. Like alien bloodlike acid's gonna shoot out, burn a hole in the floor, so your parents while watchin' TV will know what you're doin' up there.

And girls, the first time you're in the shower and the water hits that special spot, next thing you know you're humpin' towels on the bathroom floor, while your sisters are outside the door goin' "what are ya doin'? Hurry up in there!"

In the Bible is says, "Don't spill the seed." I think that was an afterthought from God. Right after he created masturbation he realized how good it felt and he had to put it inside some kinda parameter for humankind knowing they're not gonna do what their told. I think orgasms are as close to God as you can get. Because when you cum, you're creating.

I think the Devil would go all out, I mean I think it would be more like: Fire's gonna shoot out of your dick and burn your room down, or better yet, here's the catch, your soul is gonna come out, so you're gonna get to do it one time with a soul then for the rest of your life, every time you masturbate, you're not gonna have a soul. And you know what that means don'tcha? See ya in hell.

So make it a point to masturbate more often. Feel good about your life. Nothin' wrong with it. And don't spill the seed on your mom's carpet, she'll be pissed.